Developing a mindful way with words

It used to be said “Sticks and stones will break my bones, but names will never hurt me”. Not anymore. Liz Weatherly says that psychology now advocates a very different approach because words are actually very powerful.

Liz says “Why do parents remind their kids to speak kindly? Because they instinctively know that derogatory and critical words really pull us down and demotivate us. They make us question our worth and our capability.” She suggests that anxiety and low self-esteem are directly correlated to how we are used to being spoken to and - even more importantly - how we habitually speak about or to our self.

After years supporting people to develop positivity, hope and self-appreciation, Liz has found that being aware of the language we use about ourselves and others is one of the most effective techniques for improving self- esteem, relationships and motivation in both children and adults. It helps us choose words that more accurately reflect what’s going on without diminishing anyone involved.
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She shared some of her top tips for bringing mindfulness to how you speak:

1. Start listening to your inner and outer dialogue. Notice if it’s predominantly positive and kind or often critical and negative. If it’s mostly unkind, just accept that this is the language you have learned, and that this can be changed.
2. Try substituting respectful, specific words where you habitually use blaming and non-specific words (for example, instead of saying “That was stupid” you could say “I’m wondering if you really meant to do that?”  or if the words were directed at yourself, you could say “I feel a bit embarrassed. I didn’t mean to do that.”)
3. If you are stressed or upset, deliberately take at least 3 slow breaths before you say anything, then do a quick mental check of what you might have been going to say to see if it meets the criteria of ‘respectful and specific’.
4. Be patient with yourself as you develop these skills. Old habits do take time to change!

If you are interested in learning more mindfulness skills, Liz runs 8-week courses at Stoney Homestead, with the next one starting Friday, 26 July. For more information you can contact her on 021 988 468 or at liz@beinspired.co.nz